Diario di Roma II (Rome Diary 2)
Sunday September 20, 2015
Sunny 79°F/ 31°C in Roma
Cloudy, showers 88°F/31°C in
Rancho Santa Margarita
Buongiorno,
Remember that old Twilight Zone episode
with William Shatner and that Gremlin outside his window on the airliner? Well
I had my own Gremlin to deal with on my Alitalia flight back from
 |
| Shatner's Gremlin at 20,000 feet |
I had dutifully gone on line 24 hours in advance to check in and get my
boarding pass, but while Alitalia has my aisle seat preference in my traveler’s
profile, the only aisle seat open was in the very last row, row 29. I tried to
change it later in the day hoping for a cancellation, to no avail. I even asked
at the check-in counter when I dropped off my suitcase. No more aisle seats.
So, I had no choice but to be resigned to sitting for twelve hours in a seat
that did not recline, right next to the lavatories. It got worse, quickly. I am
really beginning to think that the airlines…and this happens with every one of
them…have constructed my travel profile so that I automatically get an aisle
seat in the very back of the plane, every time. I have to change seats every
time I fly, and I’m not always successful.
Oh well! On this flight as I boarded the plane and approached my seat, I
could see this rather corpulent gentleman in the adjacent seat. His right arm was resting on my vacant seat,
and his arm took up all of the arm rest. A goodly part of his ample belly was flowing
over the arm rest. A child would not have fit in my seat – 29H. Buongiorno!
Scusa! Con Permesso! I said in Italian, getting an angry glare in return. I gave him a moment to withdraw from my space so I could sit down, and then slid into the seat and buckled my seat belt. While he no longer flowed over the arm rest, his arm was clamped in a death grip so I couldn’t even share it. As we took off and climbed to cruising altitude, he kept pressing into my space, first with his right knee and then with his right arm. Each time, I responded with a Scusa! (Excuse me). All I got
in return was a death stare. You know,
the kind of look that Michael Corleone gave Fredo. Now, I will pause to explain that I don’t
normally waste time in my blogs with horror stories. I had too many good
experiences on my six weeks in Italy, but, a guy like this can really ruin your
whole trip. This is also not a kvetch at Alitalia either. I was happy
to get a non-stop flight both ways on this trip. No, this has nothing to do
with business, this is personal!
 |
| My Gremlin at 40,000 feet |
The guy was a real, to use an old Yiddish term, a noodge! His knee and his arm were in constant encroachment mode. He
would squirm and then settle down for a moment and then start squirming again,
trying to secure more room for himself in his narrow Economy class seat (at my
expense, of course). I resisted his moves at every turn. Finally, just when I
thought he realized that I had set my boundaries, he settled down. After a moment,
he cocked his arm and gave me a hard, deliberate, stiff elbow in my ribs. No,
accident here. It was premeditated! Mr. Docile here responded with his own
elbow thrust in return. And as I unloaded some of the language I picked up from
my new Sicilian friends, cocked my new titanium right arm and waved a fist at
him. It was Katie bar the door, when Grasso’s wife interceded and persuaded
him to behave himself. I thanked her and returned to my Kindle while visions of
an emergency landing in Mϋnchen and the Polizei dragging us both off the plane
receded from my mind. So, my final comment on this subject…if you ever get on a
plane and some Grasso is pouring over
your armrest, run for the jetway before they shut the door. I’m posting his
picture as a public service. Study the “selfie” I took of us, and if you ever
see him on your flight, head for the exit. I feel better now that I’ve vented!
Besides, in the vengeance department, for a journalist, the pen is mightier
than an elbow.
Once we landed and cleared customs, things got a lot better. I had
booked an airport car service to get me to and from LAX. Traffic was light and
after a relaxing two hour drive to my home, things were looking much better. I
fervently hope that the guy with the roaming elbow next to me on the flight has
a perfectly rotten visit in California.
Ciao,
MikeBo
© By Mike Botula 2015
No comments:
Post a Comment